Two Different Kinds of Therapy

People see me in the sunlight, smiling and laughing.  But in reality I live in a dungeon, in the damp, dark, submerged in shadows.  I’m sure that the memories they have, are of me happy, being silly and rather endearing.  No one sees the darkness right underneath that I try so hard to keep hidden.  Whenever it starts to show I joke, and smile wider because then they won’t see that I’m breaking.  Let’s just hope no one is watching my eyes, sometimes I can’t quite keep the pain from showing.  

(an excerpt from my writing called 'Of Perceptions')

Melinda and I went to my therapy session today, and then went shopping.  Between the two we are pretty tired.  Therapy is exhausting, halfway through the session I found myself somewhat overwhelmed and unfortunately yawning (I tried to be discreet.) I like my therapist so far.  She has handled everything that I have thrown at her, and she tends to call my bluff, however therapy is not easy.  I guess if it were, it might not be effective.  Mel compares it to seeing a physical therapist as opposed to seeing a doctor, only it's you're mind you are exercising.  You have to retrain yourself to think differently, sometimes in ways that would seem very simple and obvious.  As of now, part of my problem is a lack of commitment to recovery.  But I realize that I'm at a point where I'm either going to put in the work, or die.  Not to sound really dramatic. :) But honestly, I can't keep going on this  way.  

As far as the details of therapy when I feel less brain dead I'm more then willing to share those.  Also I may get one of my amazing friends to help me write up an easy to understand explanation on the type of therapy that my therapist specializes in and some of the components of it.  One final thought, why doesn't retail therapy count?  I got some very cute clothes today and I feel much better :)

For the record this blog does not advocate the use of shopping as therapy for emotional or mental distress, or as a replacement for actual therapy, (which we believe to be extremely helpful for a lot of people)  Also the writer of this blog post realizes that she has a slight shopping problem and is currently seeking help. :)