Implosion of Earth | Things Kumari Hasn't Actually Done

This is an another illustration of what it would look like if one really was a wreaker of destruction. I'm pleased to report no one among us has done this as far as I know.

The Attack of the Red Stilettos

A Kumari quote from today. After assuring Kumari that she is not, in fact, a wreaker of destruction I drew a picture of what it would really look like were that the case. One ought to be informed of these things, you know.

A Non-Related Post On Cats (because cats rule the internet)

I think this sums up every cat in existence ever. That is all.

Congratulations It's a Kumari!

As an engaged couple Melinda and Trevor often get questioned on their child plan.  When, and how many?  They are of one mind in many matters including this and are perfectly content with their fur baby, Aeris. (A cat).

One fateful day this all changed when they chose to take on a 21 year old with BPD.

We often joke about Melinda and Trevor being "parents."  They are excited that I will be spending Christmas with them because when family members present their new babies they will be able to show off their new Kumari.  Plus stockings and decorations are always fun. :)

As of now my feeding schedule involves hourly feedings.  Which I realized with dismay is even more often then a new born.  They choose food for me then cut it into little pieces, bring it to me on a small plate and coax me to eat.  On rare occasion they try the "airplane" technique.  Anorexia is a bitch.

To further the child comparison is the fact that we do have a purple sippy cup... a medicated Kumari is a very clumsy one.  Although Melinda and I both spill a lot in general.  We actually have Trevor trained to clean up spills.

The door is Kumari Proofed...  they tied cat toys that jingle to the door handle, put a container of pennies and more cat toys by the base of the door.  The apartment is Kumari proofed as a whole, and Melinda goes through my things after I fall asleep to make sure I haven't managed to hide anything sharp.  We have an ongoing game of it to see who is more creative and more thorough.  Today we shook on it.  There was also an agreement to share all of the places that we looked/hid things years from now if I'm still alive.

They even decorated a space for me, it's like a grownup nursery. :) Pink, and girly of course. Melinda had a fun pink, black and white bed all set up, with a cute vase she made.  We just finished turning the balcony from a depressing overflow storage space into a cute Kumari room! :)  I call it my tower, because I'm Melinda's princess (in a straight way).  We have a little bed of blankets and pillows, a light gray area rug, flowy white curtains with pink bows.  We bought a large plant, and have a few herbs.  We made hanging flower balls, and some flower chains.  There is a small birdcage, and some paper lanterns.  Mel even covered the light with lace, and we are making some strands to hang from our homemade "chandelier."  It's all perfect!

Just add in the way I am not allowed to be outside alone or go anywhere alone, and it's official I'm a kid.  They get Kumari sitters if needed, and sometimes when I'm not doing so well I notice that Melinda follows me to the bathroom, and wakes up poor Trevor to drag him into whatever room I'm in so he can watch me for a few minutes if she has to leave, (but not the bathroom, they are vigilant not creepy). I know that I'm not acting normal when instead of doing their usual apartment things they both sit on the couch and subtly watch me from behind laptops and Gameboys. They are very funny and vigilant.

I really appreciate all of Melvor's efforts.  I'll be excited when I get to the emotional, and mental state to be a normal adult again, but for now I'm just glad that I have people who love me enough to be willing to do this for me.  They are understanding whether I'm smiling and joking, or face down in the grass sobbing.  They give me the freedom to not be okay, which is a huge relief after so many years of trying to always be okay, or seem it even when I wasn't.

Glow in the Dark Nail Polish Never Loses Its Appeal

Today was our official Girl Day with Sarah.  We may all have cardiac arrests tomorrow as a result of the massive amounts of junk food.  Which is why we decided that tomorrow is going to be yoga day... and possibly a long walk as well.  We painted our nails, rented a chick flick, and indulged in some old fashioned girl talk.  There is a very interesting Vlad story... but I am not authorized to release details.  :)

Days like today are really fun, because I can forget that I have BPD.  At least for awhile.  Nothing triggered me, there were no dramatic periods of depression (well so far, so fingers crossed.)  Everyone says to "stop and smell the roses" and maybe we should smell the roses.  I think that sometimes in life people choose to not smell the roses, maybe they are too busy or maybe they just don't care to.  Sometimes my illness can make it feel impossible for me to smell the roses.  Depression is like being faced with a rose but not having eyes or a nose to appreciate it.  I think that is why good days are even more precious.  When they are few and far between it's like a gift, not something that you expect or feel like you deserve.

From what I can tell some of the best days are just because it happens to be a good BPD day, but also a lot of it tends to be who I'm with.  So this is me saying once again how important my support system and friends who understand and care about me are.  I can honestly say that I would not be here without them.  So who knows maybe you should talk to your best friend all night on the phone, or cook amazing homemade mac and cheese (that Sarah made), or paint Trevor's nails with glow in the dark paint, or watch a chick flick with Melinda (she dispels all of the illusions.)

Whatever you end up with, just remember to smell the roses, then call me, and I'll come over so we can try making lotion.  Possibly we will just end up with some oily rose petals.

On Turtle Divas

Kumari and I have lots of wonderful and insightful conversations. Sometimes, however, things turn quite silly quite quickly (okay, okay, a lot of times). It would seem that I have the hearing of an 80-year-old woman. Or Kumari mumbles. Or something. Maybe it was just bad reception. See, the other day, Kumari was saying how she felt bad for (allegedly) acting like a total diva.

Except I heard it as “turtle diva.”

As you might (not) imagine, this turned into a lengthy discussion about turtle divas and who was the turtle-y of turtle-y-est turtle divas. 

One of us *might* have been drugged. I cannot speak for the one who was not.  Actually, technically I can. Since that was me.

I have nothing.

Also, this is what a turtle diva looks like. Y'know, in case you were wondering.

Android Boyfriend

Kumari and Anna have been talking on the phone post-medication while she's falling asleep. It was amusing, so I drew a silly comic about it instead of writing about more useful things. Also, I'm very bad at drawing Kumari in MS Paint.  

She also may have been hallucinating that the hats on the hat wall were people and Trevor was some sort of weird thing turning me into a doll. 

And there was something about writing songs about foxes.

I'm so confused.

Of Cats and Flowers

Mel here again, I have 2 Therapy Quest posts in the middle of editing (cause, you know, privacy and triggers and all that and my summaries are as complete as I can make them after the fact) and partway through a comic about Kumari's occasional childlike nature. Not to mention still need to fill in the info tabs more. Writing is time-consuming... so here's a post about the cats.

Aeris has decided to start cuddling a dried flower bouquet that Kumari made and has set out as the centerpiece of the living room coffee table. She was literally hugging it. Also, you can get a glimpse of the hat wall in the background. 

And Dora keeps stretching really weirdly every time I start to attempt petting her. And then if I try to pet her belly she attacks my hand. Also, she apparently did not want to be photographed here.
Look at her fuzzy belly! Look at iiiiiit! (Also I made that vase.)

Caaats!

And You Thought My Current Writing Was Bad...

I found something that I wrote in 7th or 8th grade and I decided to share it.  This short poem is rather laughably over dramatic. (I had a problem with trying too hard.)

I am Death's shadow
I hover over my victims
slowly sucking the life from their bodies
enjoying the haunted look that covers their faces
overcoming them
until they look like wax figures
a crude imitation of life
an empty shell
I feed off of my victims
living in their pain
not letting them die
keeping them too close to death
until insanity overcomes them

For the record, I've never been homicidal... just young and dramatic, with friends as silly as me.  We pretty much egged each other on to new heights of ridiculous.  In middle school a piece like this was en' vogue. :)

The Best Quotes Are Pooh Quotes

“Piglet sidled up to Pooh from behind. "Pooh?" he whispered.
"Yes, Piglet?"
"Nothing," said Piglet, taking Pooh's hand. "I just wanted to be sure of you.”

...

“Some people care too much. I think it's called love.” 

 A.A. Milne, Winnie-the-Pooh

Herding Cats

Mel here, with another light post!

When I found out Kumari had been evicted from her apartment while she was in the hospital (and subsequently decided to kidnap her), I almost immediately started working on plans for what she'd want or need to bring with her.

Chief among these, of course, was her beloved kitty Dora. Fortunately for her, we live in a cat-friendly place, and will just need to pay another pet deposit when we renew the apartment to have her (perfectly legally) stay with us.

I'm not good at drawing cats. Particularly in MS paint. 

Since Kumari had just attempted suicide for the second time in as many months, had been having problems with her family relationships, her sexuality, and even some of  her friends, I knew she would need as many reasons as possible to strengthen the Frantic Survival Instinct part of her (especially after talking to her at the hospital.) Having Dora with her to comfort her when she's down and give her something to take care of when she's up seemed like it'd be a big help in getting through the first few painful months.

So when we made the trek to Colorado to move her back with us, we brought along a tent-like cat carrier just for Dora.

Kumari's parents have an elderly cat that Dora really didn't get along with, so Dora had spent her last few weeks in the basement entertainment room of their house without getting much attention. When I was staying at their house I'd go down to pet her and play with her every night and was pleasantly surprised at how cuddly and affectionate she was in comparison to Trev's cat.

She even let us brush her, which according to Kumari she never does. Well, she let us brush her for the first 2 days. On the third day she was getting used to having access to humans again and would put up with none of my shit. 

But we still had her cat carrier ready and brought it down to her room so she could get used to it, and right before leaving Colorado the day Kumari was released from Cedar Springs we packed Dora in the car with her food and litter box in the carrier with her. 

Dora did not like this.

The entire time she was awake while she was in the carrier, every 30 seconds are so I'd hear "Meow?" in the saddest cat-voice possible coming from the backseat. She decided the safest place to not get squashed in the cat tent was her litter box. So she spent the entire 9-hour drive overnight sleeping in her own poo, waking up every 2 hours or so for 10 minutes to meow plaintively at us for stuffing her in a squashed  carrier in the car when she could smell Kumari for the first time in weeks but still hadn't seen her. 

Meow? Meow? Mew? Meow? Meow? Meow? Mooow? Mew? Meow?

But we still got her to Oklahoma in one piece and only mostly traumatized. 

However, moving has not been the biggest stress factor in Dora's life right now. You see, we live in a cat-friendly apartment because Trev wanted to finally be able to have his cat again when we moved in together 9 months ago. So we already had Aeris. 

Aeris is a terribly adorable wide-eyed kitty cat, who's a complete and total dick sometimes. She's not particularly aggressive, she just has cat passive aggressiveness down to a science. Also, she's had some trauma inflicted on her by other cats before, so we planned to keep the cats separated as much as possible and introduce them gradually. 

However, as soon as we brought Dora's cat tent in with (poor traumatized) Dora inside, guess who ended up riiiiight there. 

And then they both freaked RIGHT out. 

Mutual panic for days!

Aeris was freaked out at seeing another cat in her territory. Dora was freaked out at seeing another cat when she was already freaked out. It took them two days before they could even glance at each other without having complete hissing meltdowns. 

They did get over that in about 3 days though, and then reached a point where they could each coexist comfortably as long as Dora was safe in her cat tent in the living room and Aeris stayed in the bedroom. Any time Aeris tried to stray into the living room Dora would start making a bizarre meowing-growl that sounded like a siren. 

I took to starting to call her Siren Cat. They have been doing better lately, since we moved Dora's tent away from the entrance to the bedroom (where she had a guard post set up for the first two days) and now they can get within about 4 feet of each other without freaking out. 

They still wake us up occasionally because one broke the four-foot rule, Aeris still taunts Dora at times, and Dora is pretty tense all the time, but they've at least worked out a tentative peace for the time being. As long as they aren't looking at each other. 

of deer lords and protecting the guilty

Lately, one of the favorite expressions amongst a select few of us has been, "dear lord."  In order to protect the guilty, I won't mentioned which select few that includes. ;)

So yes, in light of that information, I felt this photo was quite appropriate. And sharing is caring. Or so I've been told.

The end.

PS. Kumari wrote some really great and highly articulate things which you should read. She also asked me to post something light. I am attempting to oblige but I don't want to gloss over her writing either. So go look. :)

Cute Fun Things!

In addition to the lengthy word posts about the latest adventure with BPD, here are a couple cute fun happenings from yesterday.

Kumari's wildflower bouquet!

Friends with large amounts of land with wildflowers!

And Dora in a hat!

Dora does not approve.

Dungeons and Dragons with Kumari

So before I actually start writing proper and practical posts here I'll probably write some of the silly crap that happens day to day.

For example, we've decided to have Kumari join in on our D&D game because we want a couple more players and she decided it sounded kinda fun.

This could get interesting.

Kumari wants to play the sexiest of characters, but is getting really excited about weapon types and being able to have a baby ocelot familiar and a whip as a weapon. Also her class will probably be sorcerer, and they tend to be megalomaniacs a little bit.

Kumari: "I'm kinda worried that this is going to bring out things about me that I'm not totally ready to admit."
Lord Assbutt (My fiance' whom I love): "We weren't concerned but then she threw acid on the goblin's face! He was helpless!"

Later on:
"In the story of my life, I'm blaming you guys for making me nerdier."
I can only hope.

She actually seems pretty into the books now. This is fantastic.
She wants to have lots of weapons hidden in her character's outfit now. Yeeees!

Her character the magical assassin with her baby ocelot familiar Sir Muffin I drew in 15 minutes in Paint. Hee!

She wants to have a dagger in the top left of her bodice, a poisoned dart launcher in one bracer (her wrist cuffs) and a flask of alchemist's fire (as a flame thrower) in the other. In the longer side of her skirt she hides a hand crossbow, and her shoes actually have dagger heels. Her hair tie has a tiny wand in it and the fluffy parts of her dress are pinned back with four disguised throwing stars. And this is just during the day when her weapons aren't allowed, out in the city, when she's actually ready for adventuring she has her sword on her right hip, a bow on her shoulder, and a whip coiled around her waist which of course is worked into her outfit)

Even Sir Muffin's (who's a baby ocelot) has a collar that's pink and sequined but it's actually a flash bang grenade that she can use for a quick getaway, (under guise of cuddling with her pet because she's scared.)

Basically the idea is for her to be sexy and girly, but actually a super capable deadly assassin. And maybe a stripper working her way through mage's college.ld. Though apparently not at the Jiggly Hut, our original strip club name in this world.

Tomorrow should be a super fun day, since we're playing for most of the day. This is exciting! 

In other news, Blogger is an odd creature and will take some getting used to.