I've tried to slit my wrists twice recently. I have some pictures from the first time that we are going to post. YOU ARE NOT IN ANYWAY OBLIGATED TO LOOK AT THESE.
The one we have pictures of is from the night before Easter. I got off of work at 10 and went to a club with some girls because I was too depressed to go home, got wasted, came home, still depressed, and looked for a razor blade. For the record doing something like this drunk is really messy, and a bad idea. I fell apart, wound up crying on my bathroom floor, bleeding and one of my friends came over. She got me cleaned up and bandaged the wrist (the pictures are from that night) then she left. The next day it was still wide open, bleeding, and extremely painful Several different friends told me that I needed to go to the hospital, which was something I had been putting off. I wound up going with another friend who held my hand through the whole process. Of course after they put in the 7 stitches, I was put on a 72 hour hold and transferred to the psych hospital. But all of that is a story for another day.
This first picture is of the wrist after my friend came over.
This picture is after it had pretty much stopped bleeding, and we tried to clean it some but it hurt too much.
This picture is of the stitches after I was released from Cedar Springs. I'm actually much too squeamish for a cutter, because I almost passed out every time I looked at my wrist. I was more used to it by the second time.
The next time was on May 3rd. This time was a much closer attempt, so no pictures were taken as everyone was a bit preoccupied by the cut artery. And I was unconscious for most of this. However on another day, possibly tomorrow I will tell the tale. That stay in Cedar Springs was also much longer, I think 2 and a half weeks. The second attempt also left me with 11 stitches left in for 13 days, since there was internal and external stitching.
This is what my wrist looks like now. There are several smaller scars on several different parts of my body from self-harming habitually since I was 11. After the most recent time (the scar on the left) in the hospital they told me to see a hand specialist, because there may be permanent nerve damage. My hand definitely isn't fully working now, but it could be a lot worse, even the wrist pain. I'm hoping I didn't completely sacrifice full use of my left hand though. Maybe with physical therapy I'll be able to regain it. Suicide attempts generally have some unpleasant medical consequences, though at least it's not permanent liver damage from an attempted OD or paralysis from jumping off a cliff.
The one we have pictures of is from the night before Easter. I got off of work at 10 and went to a club with some girls because I was too depressed to go home, got wasted, came home, still depressed, and looked for a razor blade. For the record doing something like this drunk is really messy, and a bad idea. I fell apart, wound up crying on my bathroom floor, bleeding and one of my friends came over. She got me cleaned up and bandaged the wrist (the pictures are from that night) then she left. The next day it was still wide open, bleeding, and extremely painful Several different friends told me that I needed to go to the hospital, which was something I had been putting off. I wound up going with another friend who held my hand through the whole process. Of course after they put in the 7 stitches, I was put on a 72 hour hold and transferred to the psych hospital. But all of that is a story for another day.
This first picture is of the wrist after my friend came over.
This picture is after it had pretty much stopped bleeding, and we tried to clean it some but it hurt too much.
This picture is of the stitches after I was released from Cedar Springs. I'm actually much too squeamish for a cutter, because I almost passed out every time I looked at my wrist. I was more used to it by the second time.
The next time was on May 3rd. This time was a much closer attempt, so no pictures were taken as everyone was a bit preoccupied by the cut artery. And I was unconscious for most of this. However on another day, possibly tomorrow I will tell the tale. That stay in Cedar Springs was also much longer, I think 2 and a half weeks. The second attempt also left me with 11 stitches left in for 13 days, since there was internal and external stitching.
This is what my wrist looks like now. There are several smaller scars on several different parts of my body from self-harming habitually since I was 11. After the most recent time (the scar on the left) in the hospital they told me to see a hand specialist, because there may be permanent nerve damage. My hand definitely isn't fully working now, but it could be a lot worse, even the wrist pain. I'm hoping I didn't completely sacrifice full use of my left hand though. Maybe with physical therapy I'll be able to regain it. Suicide attempts generally have some unpleasant medical consequences, though at least it's not permanent liver damage from an attempted OD or paralysis from jumping off a cliff.
The Writers of this blog are in no way promoting suicide, (not even the suicidal one, who may sound bit hypocritical saying this.)
We honestly want you to ask for help if you are feeling in ANY way suicidal. Please never think that your problems aren't "bad" enough, or you aren't "suicidal enough." If you want to kill yourself, that stems from valid feelings and valid pain. We know first hand the results of not getting help, and not thinking that it's "really a big deal." Or having it invalidated by other people.
I honestly do not want you to die. My therapist was talking to me about the inherent value we all have, I struggle to believe her when it concerns me, but for everyone else I really do think that is true, even if it doesn't feel like it. I am a hypocrite... but my support system helps me so much, and sometimes other people can help you believe or keep breathing even when it's really hard.
How are you doing today?
ReplyDeleteHow are you doing today?
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing.
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