Perfectly Still

Find me in a crowd,
Look for me in a dark corner,
Run, to feel the wind,
Everything hurts
All the time.

People take up all the oxygen in the room,
leaving me gasping for breathe.

Dark thoughts are a constant,
My blade my only relief.
It's a fog of apathy,
A rising mist of numbness,
Nothing matters,
What could captivate me now?

Days pass by in a haze,
It's a stasis, not a life
Some days dip too far, and slide from my grasp
I can feel my brain losing the comforting fog
For something much worse.

It comes over me slowly at first,
Then it hits me full force,
Depression.

...

All I can do is lie perfectly still
Hoping it won't be too bad
As the waves of pain and despair crush me
My lungs are constricted,
My breath hurts,

I cower in my closet
Hiding in the dark,
Hugging myself, hoping to contain my insides as they start to spill out
Tears pouring,
Sobs erupting from deep down inside

...

The world is too painful,
It's filled with hurt, and woe,
Everything presses in on me,
and there's already too much in me.
I'm out of room, out of energy.

I retreat to the closet,
To huddle in the safety
It's like a womb,
Dark, comfortable, safe.
Hopefully my next safe place will be my grave.

A coffin to keep the world out,
A plot of ground all to myself
No one to bother me,
Or to tell me that I have to keep fighting,
Just lying perfectly still.