Oh What to Say What to Say?

The last six days have been really hard.  It was one bad day after the other.  That is why the long time since the last post.  Finally things are starting to feel better tonight, at least a bit.  Fingers crossed that it doesn't go away.  It is really, really nice to be able to write again.  Without writing I feel like an emotional zombie.


The nice thing about the bad days is that we learn from each one of them.  Hopefully we will be able to keep the next bout from being as bad.  Bad days can come on suddenly. Melinda is an expert at noticing the early warning signs, which I think tend to start with certain obsessions, normally about not wanting food and about my relationships.  However this can be malignant or benign, which makes it harder to know when things are about to fall apart.

Some of the bad to follow :)

Tuesday night, I didn't get to sleep until around six. Which of course meant that Melvor didn't either.  Things got bad early in the evening and didn't get better.  Long story short, there were some breakdowns, a few panic attacks, some refusing to eat, flushing of meds, cutting, and strong suicidal urges.  Therapy Wednesday was hard because we talked about some difficult issues and I  cried, which I hate in front of people.  On the Bright side my therapist was excited because she was able to witness me experiencing a strong feeling as opposed to my normal fairly controlled demeanor in therapy. Which shows her that I have a chance at fighting this, or so Mel says. :)

One of the co-morbid disorders that I struggle with is anorexia.  It is really not that bad, and has only been a struggle for about five months.  On my worst days it tends to be a problem.  The lack of food is probably part of what made this week so bad.  I spent most of the week in a semi depressed fog, with a constant headache, frequent nausea, and this annoyingly persistent abdominal pain.  We think the abdominal pain may be from not eating enough with the medicine. (more about my slight anorexia in another post though). :)

That felt like such a long depressing boring post... I really should say something witty, or at least make some glib quip, but I'm kind of at a loss.  May I recommend Ben and Jerry's "phsish" food ice cream?  The little fudge fish are adorable and yummy! :)