How do you know what rock bottom is? So many times feel like the proverbial rock bottom, but I am very hesitant to label it as such because who knows whether or not it really is the bottom. For all I know there could be many more layers of suck. I feel presumptuous saying that anything is rock bottom. Maybe doing so will cause God or fate or whoever to want to prove you wrong, and hit you with more shit.
Also, if you have a rock bottom time, what happens afterwards? Will things get better, or is the pain just less acute? I think you can only feel so much before your mind literally rejects it. If you pray to die and you don't does that mean that God doesn't love you? Or is he the biggest most sadistic douche ever? Maybe there just isn't a God. There is so much emptiness and pain, it's infinite and tragic.
My pain is just a mere drop in the ocean of pain and suffering. I pray to die. I cry and beg God to let it all end. I long to just slip away. I'm still here. What does that mean? Am I weak to not be able to successfully kill myself? Have I failed at something so basic as copping out? Let me die. Forgive me for being weak, and absolve me.
I am not good. I am not good. I am not good. I am not good. I am not good. I am not good. I am not good. I am not good. I am not good. I am not good. I am not good. I am not good. I am not good.
Just let me go.
Rock bottom is the moment where you decide that you have reached a point that you never wanted to see and will do anything to change who or what you are to achieve something. Only you can chose what rock bottom is and only you can pull yourself out of it. Your friends and family are here with hands ready to help you out, you just have to ask. Its going to be hard but you can do it. You have to remember that life is not easy, that's why we need God to help us, and he gave us friends and family to walk through life with us and support us when we can's stand on our own. It will get better but it will never be easy, if it was we would not have a need for God.
ReplyDeleteIf you pray to die and God does not answer the way you want he might be telling you something. Not that he is a sadist but that he has a plan for you and he wants to set you up for success. Look for a calling in life, something that you can give to those around you. Who knows, maybe these days are preparing you for something harder in your future. If you can survive this you can survive anything. Or maybe he is setting you up to help others who suffer from similar things in life. Your example can help others get through their hard times. You are not week you are strong and loved.
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